When Chibis Delay!
by chaosbfly
Summary: Why does When Chibis Attack! take so long to update? How does it get written? A parody of a parody of a parody, one that may feel familiar to those that post here. And it answers all your questions! Kitten Hat of Joy! Not at all true! Okay, a little.


**Note:** All the Chibis in this story are imaginary. I am not a total loon.

**Another Note:** Saiyuki belongs to Kazuya Minekura.

**When Chibis Delay! **

On this lazy afternoon, CB (who is not a drunk) sits in her basement (which is not scary), doing a bit of laundry.

The computer is on, Notepad is open, and beside that computer lies Pad #7 of the Eight legal pads already filled with When Chibis Attack!

Firefox is open, the reviews page for said story displaying the greatest motivation that any writer could have: Readers.

* * *

All indications, therefore, point to a timely update of the Chibi Story, and consequently, the world becoming a cuter, if more confusing, place. 

Except CB is, as usual, on the couch, playing a videogame.

CB is a Lazy Ass.

* * *

This statement perfectly encapsulates the thoughts of Sanzo, Chibi Sanzo, who stands on the couch beside her. He is not interested in the videogame. He stares at CB relentlessly. 

CB ignores him, even though he is wearing the Kitten-Eared Nightcap of Ridiculous Cuteness.

* * *

Sanzo is accustomed to prophetically voicing the will of the gods, even if only accidentally. He takes this one step further, and voices the Will of the Readership: 

"What the hell is taking so long?"

No response.

Sanzo stomps across the couch cushions, and onto CB's knees. She strains to see the screen between his Kitten Ears.

"Hey. I'm talking to you. What's the goddamn hold up?"

"…go 'way."

"I mean, the manuscript is right there. It's edited, hell, it's even punctuated. All you have to do is get off your lazy ass and type!"

"You're blocking my view."

"Type up the goddamn chapter!"

"After."

* * *

Sanzo glares at her, then glances at the screen. It involves more tentacles than he thinks is proper. 

"What's so freaking important about this, anyway?

"Just go away, please. I'm fighting a Marlboro."

"So?"

"Marlboros are tough."

" 'Marlboros are…' The hell? You can't handle Marlboros? I damn well _smoke _Marlboros!"

This draws no response but an incoherent mumble about 'bad breath'.

* * *

Sanzo covertly pops a mint into his mouth, but continues his tirade: 

"Look, you _have_ to update. The longer you spend sitting on your ass doing nothing, the longer I have to wear this goddamn hat!"

"Hat's cute. People like the hat."

* * *

Sanzo opens his mouth to deny this, but his mind rebels against telling such an obvious lie, and closes his mouth again before the words can get out. 

CB, meanwhile, casts fire and curses her endangered characters, and equally endangered thumbs as they creak protestingly over the controller.

The waiting computer switches itself into Standby Mode, obviously assuming the worst.

* * *

Sanzo will not take this lying down, even if he is wearing pyjamas. 

He hops off her knees, climbs onto the back of the couch, and leans his face right next to the Lazy Ass' ear.

"Update, or else."

CB chuckles.

Sanzo smiles, but it's not a nice smile.

* * *

"Update, or we will show up in your dreams. You will have new ideas every night for a week. You'll have new ideas in the bathtub, and have to get out to write them down. You will see Visions of Cuteness while having dental work done, and your laughter will scar you for life." 

CB pauses the game.

"… no way."

* * *

"The story will run to 150 chapters. Your hand will be a withered claw from writing night after night. You'll have to write _on the back of the page_, because you'll run out of paper. All your pens will run out of ink, and you'll be reduced to writing in that Staedler Fineliner your bought for inking your pathetic fan-art…" 

"Okay! Okay, already. I'll update right after I finish this."

"You will have ideas in places where there is _no ink_, and you will _forget them_, but you will always remember _how funny they were_…"

"Yargh!"

* * *

And, lo and behold, CB got off her lazy ass and updated. At 3 a.m. After her pen ran out of ink. 

And the Chibis rejoiced.

* * *

//THE END//

* * *

This is for you. After all the delays you've put up with, you deserve it. 

Just so you know, pretty much every threat that Sanzo makes here has actually happened to me. In fact, I wrote the end of this with my inking pen. Sometimes, the chibis are my favorite thing in the universe. Sometimes, such as when I'm trying to write serious fiction, or have an MRI of my head, they are a curse.

But it's a wild ride. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Thanks.


End file.
